Well kiddos. It's 1am and I can't sleep. Shall we all take one giant guess WHY? If you guessed a boy, you'd be correct, ** ding ding ding **
I've been crying for the last hour trying to figure out exactly why I am with a person who can tell me at 9pm that they will call me after they're done doing a very specific activity. Much to my dismay I woke up at midnight (already knowing he'd be asleep) with no phone call, no text message, NOTHING.
Now, a one time thing, sure, that's okay, I would be upset but not utterly destroyed like I was tonight. Why, you ask? Because this is a reoccurring theme in this relationship. SO reoccurring, in fact that it just happened a mere two nights ago when the same thing happened. "Call you after the movie," only to find out he really meant, "Call you after two movies, time spent with a friend, and potentially after any reasonable bedtime that you may have had."
So what the fuck, right? All of you have been telling me I deserve better. I just wanted so badly for this person to be everything I wanted, everything I needed... and he is! But I also want someone to feel the same way about me. And he doesn't.
Clearly or how could he crawl into bed... a bed I was just in last night and NOT remember that he said he'd call? How could he not remember me? What it was like to have me there the night before... for fuck sake THIS MORNING... how could he forget about that? And about me? And what it's like when I'm around? I just don't understand.
How can I be so forgettable? So unimportant? So insignificant?
I've got a migraine from crying? I still don't think I'll be able to sleep and I really don't want to go through another day doubled over with stomach pain. This is awful.
I beat myself up enough, emotionally. I don't need the person I love doing it too.
2 comments:
Yikes! I am not sure what to say except I am here if you need me. Not sure if you know or not but Matt and I have been seperated since March 23rd, when he took a job in Biloxi, MS without asking/consulting with me. So the whole love life royally sucks. So please don't think I am some happily married friend who doesn't have a clue. I do and it sucks. 870-945-2999 my cell, I have lost yours between phones and I am sure you have changed it a couple times too. Love ya! LYLAS BFF
Sarah-
I am so incredibly sorry to hear that. I was really hoping things would work for you two, but you need to put your foot down for what you believe is right. Are you back home in Huntsville? If so, I may be able to come visit you. I'm flying to Birmingham to meet up with a friend/co-worker on July 8th and I might be able to convince her to take a trip up there. We're going to New Orleans on Friday, too, so that will be a blast. Anyway. Call me sometime, or I'll call you. Either way we need to chat. Miss you chick. Love you.
xo
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