So last night was my first night out at a bar while SINGLE in like a year. It's was awesome. It was so much fun to see my girls Megan and Elise, to go to a bar I really feel at home (woot, Armadillo's), to feel comfortable with the people who work there (I love those guys and gals).
I had so much fun just shooting the shit with good friends and not having to worry about when I might get an angry phone call or when I'm going to have to worry about calling someone who's already angry that I was out drinking and dealing with that crap. It was nice not to have to worry about being myself.
I want to be with someone who trusts me, someone who appreciates me for all of my faults as well as my strengths.
But most of all, people. I don't want to be with anyone at all right now.
My life is in turmoil. I'm not going to have a home for up to a year. I'm going to be traveling so much that I won't have time and no matter what, I will have a long distance relationship. And I am SO over long distance.
For those of you that have ever done the long distance thing you know what I'm talking about. You try to call eachother as often as possible but sometimes that's just not enough. You're constantly worrying about when you're going to see eachother next. And with a schedule like mine that is so up in the air, it would be impossible to make concrete plans.
Lesson for today: singledom it is for me until I settle down.
xo
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
The Difficulty
i woke up really early today and my kitty kept me awake all night wanting to snuggle, but that's okay, at least i slept in my bed, in my room. i missed Maryland. i do like it here. plus my family is here.
i have boxed and boxes of stuff to go through from walsworth but all i really want to do is actually have a weekend when i don't do anything. i just want to hang out, go shopping, enjoy having some time off. is that wrong to want? i also have proofs to edit and send back to plant as well as a yearbook to finish before the end of august.
but i think today is a day off. a day of reflection. i'll probably write a few more posts today.
by the way... it was sooo nice to get a ful night's sleep with no hour long interruptions for a phone call. it was wonderful. but that doesn't mean i might be regretting burning that ship a little bit. i'll get through it. my strength has just exploded and i will not be brought down by temptation. i will not rebuild that ship.
full speed ahead in this new land.
xo
i have boxed and boxes of stuff to go through from walsworth but all i really want to do is actually have a weekend when i don't do anything. i just want to hang out, go shopping, enjoy having some time off. is that wrong to want? i also have proofs to edit and send back to plant as well as a yearbook to finish before the end of august.
but i think today is a day off. a day of reflection. i'll probably write a few more posts today.
by the way... it was sooo nice to get a ful night's sleep with no hour long interruptions for a phone call. it was wonderful. but that doesn't mean i might be regretting burning that ship a little bit. i'll get through it. my strength has just exploded and i will not be brought down by temptation. i will not rebuild that ship.
full speed ahead in this new land.
xo
Friday, July 27, 2007
Last Day with the family
So I'm at the airport, on my way "home" to Baltimore (BWI). And I'm already missing my family. I really am. Jaclyn, Coach, Kevin, Michelle, Chad, Robin, Jeff, Jen, Mikey, and Mindi... I really, really appreciate going through this process with all of them. I will miss each of them.
Anyway, big news, I'm FINALLY d0ne with Paul. I broke up with him and we're done. I love him. I do, I will always love him, but he hasn't made me happy in a while. He doesn't make me UNhappy, I'm just not happy being with him. After everything, I just got to the point when I couldn't forgive him anymore. He'd hurt me for too long. He'd put Amber before me for our entire relationship. Only until April when he finally realized that we should be together did he really start pushing her away - not sleeping with her, not taking her everywhere, not doing much of anything, but it was too late... he waited too long.
But we're done, I burned that bridge, and now I'm ready to take on this job, I'm ready to travel until I'm dead if I can prove to this company that I can do it. If I can do this forever, I'd love it. I love to travel and for now, if I could do this, I would do it forever. If it can advance me, I'll do it forever, whatever it takes.
More later.
xo
Anyway, big news, I'm FINALLY d0ne with Paul. I broke up with him and we're done. I love him. I do, I will always love him, but he hasn't made me happy in a while. He doesn't make me UNhappy, I'm just not happy being with him. After everything, I just got to the point when I couldn't forgive him anymore. He'd hurt me for too long. He'd put Amber before me for our entire relationship. Only until April when he finally realized that we should be together did he really start pushing her away - not sleeping with her, not taking her everywhere, not doing much of anything, but it was too late... he waited too long.
But we're done, I burned that bridge, and now I'm ready to take on this job, I'm ready to travel until I'm dead if I can prove to this company that I can do it. If I can do this forever, I'd love it. I love to travel and for now, if I could do this, I would do it forever. If it can advance me, I'll do it forever, whatever it takes.
More later.
xo
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Day four of Sales Training
YAY! I impressed the National Sales Manager!! Best thing that could ever happen to me. I was so nervous going in. Here's the story.
The first day (Monday) I was practicing with George who was our trainer during the first week and he's really sweet and soft on all of us but I was with Nicole (Austin) and Chad (San Diego) and we were all giving eachother shit.
First we have to get past the "gatekeeper" who is basically the person sitting in the front office - be it an old secretary or a student aide - by introducing ourselves and blah blah blah. We have to leave at least with an appointment. Then we have to get the prospect to listen to us and we have a script for that to that I know pretty well. Then we do a Needs Analysis, a Presentation and finally discuss price. At least that's what we do in a perfect world.
Anyway, on Monday we were practicing getting past the secretary and trying to get an adviser go through the process with us and listen to what we have to say. Practicing with classmates can be difficult and trying but humorous because we all just give each other shit. We make it hard. So Monday was fun. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday I was paired up with Tom Ott who is this 57 year old man that competes in the senior olympics. He has a 25 year old daughter but he has the mentality of a 22 year old guy. He's hysterical but he absolutely knows what he's doing.
This time I was paired with Jeff (Norfolk, VA; military books) who is this really funny guy but he's shy and reserved when you first meet him. We were trying to break him out of his shell. He's the complete opposite of me. It's very cool to work with him because we kind have a funny friendship because we know how different we are but it ends up working.
Anyway, we breezed through the IAs and the first couple of steps of the Needs Analysis. Tom gave us insightful critiques and also gave us a lot of insight from what he's seen in the field. He was easy and fun to work with and I really enjoyed those two days.
So today before we went into our rooms I looked at Bob who has this naturally mischevious smile... a lot like Jack Nicholson... and I Tom was standing right next to me and I said, "I want to stay with Tom, he's good." Bob just smiled wider and pulled Jim Worthington (the National Sales Manager) out of the room to "discuss" I'm sure. When they walked back in Bob pointed to me and said, "You're with Jim."
I was immediately nervous and knew that they were testing me and that Bob wanted Jim to see first-hand how I was doing. Anyway, we got into the room and we watched some of my tape and then went through one of the processes in the Needs Analysis that he felt I needed work on. There were a few times, though, that he said, "Perfect. That was perfect." And this is a man of VERY little words.
It was exhillarating to practice with him. I knew I had to learn what I'd done wrong and fix it quickly. I need to stop overcommiting myself, I need to ask more questions and stop talking, I need to savor the silence.
Anyway... break's over.
xo
The first day (Monday) I was practicing with George who was our trainer during the first week and he's really sweet and soft on all of us but I was with Nicole (Austin) and Chad (San Diego) and we were all giving eachother shit.
First we have to get past the "gatekeeper" who is basically the person sitting in the front office - be it an old secretary or a student aide - by introducing ourselves and blah blah blah. We have to leave at least with an appointment. Then we have to get the prospect to listen to us and we have a script for that to that I know pretty well. Then we do a Needs Analysis, a Presentation and finally discuss price. At least that's what we do in a perfect world.
Anyway, on Monday we were practicing getting past the secretary and trying to get an adviser go through the process with us and listen to what we have to say. Practicing with classmates can be difficult and trying but humorous because we all just give each other shit. We make it hard. So Monday was fun. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday I was paired up with Tom Ott who is this 57 year old man that competes in the senior olympics. He has a 25 year old daughter but he has the mentality of a 22 year old guy. He's hysterical but he absolutely knows what he's doing.
This time I was paired with Jeff (Norfolk, VA; military books) who is this really funny guy but he's shy and reserved when you first meet him. We were trying to break him out of his shell. He's the complete opposite of me. It's very cool to work with him because we kind have a funny friendship because we know how different we are but it ends up working.
Anyway, we breezed through the IAs and the first couple of steps of the Needs Analysis. Tom gave us insightful critiques and also gave us a lot of insight from what he's seen in the field. He was easy and fun to work with and I really enjoyed those two days.
So today before we went into our rooms I looked at Bob who has this naturally mischevious smile... a lot like Jack Nicholson... and I Tom was standing right next to me and I said, "I want to stay with Tom, he's good." Bob just smiled wider and pulled Jim Worthington (the National Sales Manager) out of the room to "discuss" I'm sure. When they walked back in Bob pointed to me and said, "You're with Jim."
I was immediately nervous and knew that they were testing me and that Bob wanted Jim to see first-hand how I was doing. Anyway, we got into the room and we watched some of my tape and then went through one of the processes in the Needs Analysis that he felt I needed work on. There were a few times, though, that he said, "Perfect. That was perfect." And this is a man of VERY little words.
It was exhillarating to practice with him. I knew I had to learn what I'd done wrong and fix it quickly. I need to stop overcommiting myself, I need to ask more questions and stop talking, I need to savor the silence.
Anyway... break's over.
xo
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
life in the fast lane
as many of you know, i've been going, going, going for the last six weeks. i haven't stopped and it doesn't look like there's going to be any stopping for another little while at least. six weeks ago or so i started at walsworth yearbook publishing. the first two weeks were an intense week of training. the first week was all price book (where our prices come from) training.
this book is a huge book of rules upon rules of charges and credits and information on programs and shit. it's easy-ish to navigate and find what i'm looking for but at points its line upon line, paragraph after paragraph of information... all of which i need to know stone cold. it's a lot but it's manageable i think.
anyway, the first week i kicked ass. i pissed a lot of the people in my group on the first day. they thought i was a know-it-all (which i am) but i also sort of answered all the questions and got all the money and was basically just being a big pain in the ass. kevin and i, especially, butted heads. we sat across from eachother and kevin wants to be the star of the class and so do i. by the end of the first day he was raising his hand even if he didn't know the answer to the question just to try to show me up.
he has since admitted to me that he wanted to strangle me. i started to make his life easier, however, when we worked together on homework and studying. basically once i started supporting the group rather than making them feel inferior, they ended up warming up to me. i like to help people, really, so it worked out.
by the middle of the week we all started to have a lot of fun and someone decided it would be a great idea to stay out the latest on the day before we had to be up at 5 am to drive three hours to the plant in north-central missouri. it was a lovely day.
the second week was a review for me. we went over how indesign works, how our enhancements work, etc. the only thing new to me was the online design training, which was of course toward the end of the week when all of us were suffering.
training is intense. there is so much to learn, so much to remember, and so much more than just training going on. especially for our class (all 12 of us) there are 11 new personalities to learn and figure out and get to know and support. it's all very overwhelming, tiring and scary. but we made it through, all 12 of us stayed both weeks.
next came the summer sales meeting at which we were all just as wild and crazy. the only thing was we added 100 or so people to our numbers. all of the sales reps were there, all of the management, everyone! and monday night was the awards banquet and the theme was full throttle. everyone was dressed in biker garb. i decided, however to wear a white marilyn monroe halter dress from j. crew with the temporary tattoo they gave all of us on my left shoulder blade.
it was a great night but the exhaustion set in the next day and recovery was impossible. the days were full of our new computer system, inks, training... a whole lot of staring at our computer screens trying to figure out a whole new system to the company.
anyway... now it's the third day of sales training and i've been kicking ass this week too. i was really stressed that i may not do as well this week because i have no sales experience at all. but i have done better than i thought at memorization and, thus, have been succeeding more than i thought i would.
so that's the update on why i haven't been returning any phone calls or really calling anyone at all.
i hope you will become a regular reader. i hope i become a regular blogger.
xo
this book is a huge book of rules upon rules of charges and credits and information on programs and shit. it's easy-ish to navigate and find what i'm looking for but at points its line upon line, paragraph after paragraph of information... all of which i need to know stone cold. it's a lot but it's manageable i think.
anyway, the first week i kicked ass. i pissed a lot of the people in my group on the first day. they thought i was a know-it-all (which i am) but i also sort of answered all the questions and got all the money and was basically just being a big pain in the ass. kevin and i, especially, butted heads. we sat across from eachother and kevin wants to be the star of the class and so do i. by the end of the first day he was raising his hand even if he didn't know the answer to the question just to try to show me up.
he has since admitted to me that he wanted to strangle me. i started to make his life easier, however, when we worked together on homework and studying. basically once i started supporting the group rather than making them feel inferior, they ended up warming up to me. i like to help people, really, so it worked out.
by the middle of the week we all started to have a lot of fun and someone decided it would be a great idea to stay out the latest on the day before we had to be up at 5 am to drive three hours to the plant in north-central missouri. it was a lovely day.
the second week was a review for me. we went over how indesign works, how our enhancements work, etc. the only thing new to me was the online design training, which was of course toward the end of the week when all of us were suffering.
training is intense. there is so much to learn, so much to remember, and so much more than just training going on. especially for our class (all 12 of us) there are 11 new personalities to learn and figure out and get to know and support. it's all very overwhelming, tiring and scary. but we made it through, all 12 of us stayed both weeks.
next came the summer sales meeting at which we were all just as wild and crazy. the only thing was we added 100 or so people to our numbers. all of the sales reps were there, all of the management, everyone! and monday night was the awards banquet and the theme was full throttle. everyone was dressed in biker garb. i decided, however to wear a white marilyn monroe halter dress from j. crew with the temporary tattoo they gave all of us on my left shoulder blade.
it was a great night but the exhaustion set in the next day and recovery was impossible. the days were full of our new computer system, inks, training... a whole lot of staring at our computer screens trying to figure out a whole new system to the company.
anyway... now it's the third day of sales training and i've been kicking ass this week too. i was really stressed that i may not do as well this week because i have no sales experience at all. but i have done better than i thought at memorization and, thus, have been succeeding more than i thought i would.
so that's the update on why i haven't been returning any phone calls or really calling anyone at all.
i hope you will become a regular reader. i hope i become a regular blogger.
xo
Day Three of Sales Training
This is my first true blog. Not sure how many people will be reading it, but I'm here posting. More later... I've been busy reading another blog.
xo
xo
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