picture

I think the picture to your left is incredibly artistic. It captures real emotion. It's off center, it wasn't posed. I just kept snapping pictures this night when I was crying.

Paul, if you're reading this, which I'm not even sure of anymore, you're not the only one who can inflict this kind of pain on me. Hah!

Anyway, Paul has seen this before, haven't you? You made me cry like this, didn't you? You made me feel like I was nothing. Like there was something more important than me. And I see now, thanks to my most recent pain, that she wasn't what was more important. YOU were more important to you than I was.

Thanks, John, for opening my eyes to that. It helps...a little.

But it still begs the question... why was I not important enough, worthy enough, to put before yourself?

I put both of you before me and look where it got me...nowhere. Dumped and in pain and alone.

But Mark... and Kevin... they loved me. They would have done anything for me. And I walked all over them.

Maybe that's the problem. No relationship will ever work if one party is more "into" the other.


It always has to be a level playing field... doesn't it?

Oh well.

Maybe next time.

Or do I just need to be alone... like John?

Bets that he'll be with someone new when I get back from traveling?

It's not me. It's you. Right?