Christmas

Well hello there everyone. It's noon on Christmas Day and I am relaxing on the couch in the living room of my parent's house in Maryland. My tummy is full, I've shed some tears, and I'm just generally smiley.

This year is so unlike last year it's incredible. Last year I was pining over Paul (we hadn't talked in a little while because I'd decided for the who know what number time that I was done dealing with the whole situation). He'd told me straight up he wouldn't leave Amber during the holiday season. What a load of shit, he just wouldn't leave her period. Jackass.

Anyway, so I was simply unhappy last year and this year I am so happy. I am so happy with where I am in my life. I'm happy with where my life is going, who I've been spending my time with in Arizona, my success in my career (I've been kicking ass), just all around happy happy happy.

And so, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

realtionship

teeheeheehee. so I'm in the first "real" relationship since mark and it is incredible. john and i haven't been dating that long but he is quite possibly the sweetest man i've ever known. he's declared to me that i am "his" and so, i am with him and no one else.

but there's no pressure and i am completely giddy about the whole thing. it's incredible and he's incredible and i hate that i have to leave for two weeks on monday, though home will be nice and ISM will be exciting.

that's all, thought you might like to know.

weekend

So my weekend was fantastic. John and I had a blast in Flagstaff, though we took the long way up and stopped in Prescott and drove through Jerome, which is this crazy ghoast town that is suddenly inhabited again by hippies and artists. It's built INTO the mountainside. It's incredible. Anyway. So we took off around 10-10:30 on Saturday, got to Flagstaff around 5 (because we took the long way and stopped a few times).

We had dinner at this place called Sizzler, a steakhouse just inside Flagstaff. Then we went downtown and watched a very small town holiday parade. "The Parade of Lights." Bascially everyone in the town tried to get as many lights as possible on their vehicles and then drove them up the main drag. It was adorable. Complete with fire trucks, the high school marching band and a live band playing on a trailer being pulled by a truck advertising the local rock radio station. It was so much fun and really made me feel like Christmas is coming.

After the parade we went to a coffee shop called the "Late for the Train Espresso Bar." The main staple in Flagstaff is their train station, which also happens to house their Visitor's Center. Anyway, the Chai that I had was good but very cinnamon-y. Everyone in the town loved Crispin and all the little kids were asking so nicely if they could pet him. It's so funny to me when people ask, "Is he friendly?" He's just chillen out in my arms lookin around... of COURSE he's friendly.

Anyway, so we went to Safeway and bought a bottle of wine and had a couple glasses while we watched.... huh, I forget what we were watching.... and then we went to bed. When we woke up everything was covered in snow (mind you it had been snowing while we were at the parade and during the whole trip up to Flagstaff, so this is not surprising.) We went to a little diner across the street from the hotel and had a hearty breakfast. Checked out of the hotel and took Crispin with us to walk around downtown.

Remember when I said I bought him a little jacket? Well I decided that booties might help as well. First of all they're a pain to get on him and then watching him walk was an absolutely hysterical experience. Needless to say they eventually all fell off and I ended up having to carry him around all day, but it was worth the laugh. John of course, made fun of me incessantly for buying clothes for a dog, but Crispin needed it. He was shivering the whole time.

Anyway, so we walked around downtown, went into all the local shops and no one seemed to mind that he was with me. It was a really fun time. We went into hippie stores, antique shops, art stores, then made our way to the Visitor's Center in the train station but there was a big plackard outside: "No Pets" so we didn't go in. The wind started blowing snow in our faces, though, we we decided the car would be a nice sanctuary.

We left around 11:30 and agreed to stop at Montezuma Castle on the way back. Around 12:30, though, we got hungry and found a place called "Crusty's Cafe" on the GPS. It ended up being really good (I have leftovers) and really cheap. We got to Montezuma Castle and John took lots of pictures (I'll put his link up whenever he posts them).

We got back to his house around... 7:30? I dunno, I'd lost track of time. We played Wii with his roommate for a while and then he ended up coming back to the townhouse and stayed the night with me. I drove him to work the next morning and headed to Tucson. We were supposed to see a movie last night but I ended up getting back too late so I just went to his house and had some food and watched the Prestige.

I'm having way too much fun with this guy. He's a blast to be around, he's not needy, but he's so attentive and sweet. It's ridiculous. Anyway, we're just having fun. He's supposedly moving away from Phoenix as soon as he saves up enough money, so that blows hard core and is really preventing me from getting too close, I think. But anyway. We'll see.

That's my life's update, for those of you that care, hah. If you have questions, call me.

learning from blogs

So... I haven't written in awhile. This I am fully aware of. But the move to Phoenix and beginning my selling career has been much more stressful than I originally anticipated. Not to mention I've been "dating" and figuring out the relationship with my roommate. Anyway. So I was reading a blog that I semi-frequent, though not of late, and I could not even get through a single posting. It's so boring reading about another person's boring ass life. Especially when that person is bragging about how great they are and telling their readers things their readers most likely already know.

So it got me thinking. Why do I even write? Why update those EXTREMELY few people who read this when I'm most likely going to tell those people the same damn story when I have a chance to talk to them?

And I guess I realized. This blog is for me. It's my way of writing as therapy. Which, I suppose is why it is so erratic. When I don't need therapy, I don't write. And when I do, I do write.

So why am I writing now? Because I'm on a rant about how much I don't care about other people's mundane lives. And that I don't expect those people reading this to be interested in MY mundane life. It truly isn't that interesting. But oh well. If you like to read and you care about me (aha! maybe that's the issue! only those who care about me would read this blog, which is precisely why I couldn't get through the aforementioned blog! Because I no longer care!) then read on.

Today is Saturday and I am planning a trip to Flagstaff, AZ with a guy named John who happens to be amazing and also happens to have a badass mohawk. And I'm not talking like feauxhawk here people. I'm talking, shaved sides, uses Elmer's glue to get the thing to stand falmost a foot off his head, serious ass mohawk. And For some strange reason, it's incredibly hot, though he and I are quite a pair when we hang out, and we've gotten comments also. "Ms. Preppy out with the dude with a mohawk," was my favorite. But somehow, we work. Anyway, we're going to Flagstaff because it's snowing there and I'm sort of feeling like it's not winter since it still gets to between 75 and 80 on a beautiful sunny day here in Phoenix. So we're going to experience the snow.

I need to go purchase a sweater for my little dog who is going with us and isn't made for extreme weather like that. Anyway. I plan to have an awesome day. I hope you all (those few of you who read this) will do the same.

Phoenix and OkCupid

So, as I said in my previous blog, I'm officially moving to Phoenix. I love it here. The warmth, the people, the variety of activities, the mountains, the clean air, the beauty of the area, all of it. But seeing as I know one person (love you Denise) I've decided to join OkCupid. Not for dating, necessarily, but to meet people in the area. I mean, I have no problem going out and meeting plenty of people, but there's something not as satisfying as meeting someone at a bar and never talking to them again.

And then there's the option of looking for all of the unbelievably *hot* guys in Phoenix. Teehee. I'm not ready for a relationship. The last one effed me up so bad I doubt I'll be ready for anything serious anytime soon. In the meantime, "girls just wanna have fun." That's sort of my mantra at the moment. If it's fun, I'm there.

And of COURSE I'm safe. Everyone keeps asking me that. It's cool as long as you're safe, they say. Do I look or come across as a dumb person? No. Do I look like I'm going to put my life, my health, or my future in jeopardy? Nope. So, yes, I'm safe... but yes, hell yes, I am having fun.

Anyway. So this is my schedule: today I leave for Reno. I'm there for a week. Then I come back here (to Phoenix) work for a week (PROSPECTING, HOORAY!!), fly home to Baltimore for the week of Thanksgiving to pack and celebrate. Then drive out from Maryland to Phoenix with Mom.

I already have a place here and OH MY GOD is it amazing. I will absolutely take pictures when I'm back in town and try to post them. Anyway. That's about it. I'll post more later.

Phoenix, Arizona

Well, guys and gals, I am officially moving to Phoenix, AZ and taking over that territory!! I cannot tell you how excited I am. It's nerve racking, too, though, but tonight is not the night for me to get into it.

Just wanted to update all of ya'll on that.

back in reno

Well I'm back in Reno and ready to take a break from going out every night. I'm exhausted. I've met so many cool people and had some really fun nights. Phoenix is such a cool town. I'd move there in a heartbeat.

Anyway. I went to Sedona, AZ on Thursday night to have dinner and watch the sun set on the red rock. I'll post pictures eventually. So Sedona is supposed to be this really crazy spiritual place, something called a "Vortex" according to Howard, the west area manager. So I decided it would be fun to have my palms/tarot cards read so I went to one of the many shops on the main drag in town. She told me a bunch of cool things, some unexpected, some not.

She said that I'm very unsettled right now, that I feel like there's something missing and that thing is my soulmate. My life is in line, my career will make me successful, I'm going to live until I'm 86 or 87 (which I think is perfect). But that one thing, that thing that will settle me is my soulmate. And she said I haven't met him yet, but that she felt like I should by next summer. She felt that once I meet him I will be whole, my life will be settled and we will be together forever even though I am afraid of divorce/separation because of my family.

She said that I'd had two relationships in my life that had profound effects on me and that one of them was completely done, but the other one she asked me about. What do I say about that? I have no idea. Clearly there's unfinished business. Anyway.

The most exciting news, though, was that she saw two pregnancies and three children. Now, I have wanted twins FOREVER. Like as soon as I started thinking about my family and how many children I want, I have always, always, always wanted twins. So that was incredibly exciting.

That's about it. I'm tired and I have tomorrow off, which is awesome, awesome, awesome.

"stolen"

We watch the season pull up its own stage
And catch the last weekend
Of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced
Another sun soaked season
Fades away

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one
Of the best ones
Clear liquor and
Cloudy eye
Too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

And from the bottle flow, we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams are sure
And we all will sleep well
We'll sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around
In the highest heels
You are the best one
Of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

it's 1 am

*sigh*

I'm not sure if I should even write this... but it's the only way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight.

There are people in our lives, very few people, who will affect you in such a way that their removal is devastating. These people are the ones you want to talk to at 1 am when you can't sleep. These people are the ones you worry about 24 hours a day 7 days a week. These are the people you need... the people you can't function at 100% without once you know what it's like to have them in your life.

And my person, the first in my 22 years of living, has deserted me, preferring to be angry and hateful than to accept the importance they hold in my life and the role I so need them to play.

I feel alone tonight. But it is not just tonight. It is any number of nights. But my loneliness is not the only thing that triggers my desire to have this person in my life again. It's wanting to talk about everything in nothing in the same conversation. It's wanting to welcome silence rather than be afraid of it. It's wanting to voice fears and excitements that I cannot tell anyone else. It's wanting to be fully comfortable again, preferring to sit in the "presence" of this person than do anything else.

And if you're reading this, and I'm positive you will eventually... I'm very sad we can't talk anymore. I wish you could understand. I wish you wouldn't think the worst of me. I wish you wouldn't think that I am capable of manipulating you because I'm just not. I wish you needed me to talk to as much as I need you.

Anyway, for those of you who are reading this and are becoming less interested by the word because I'm not talking to you anymore, I apologize, but this one sided conversation is important. It will be sleep saving... at least for tonight.

feelings

I'm feeling a little screwed.

I dunno. Some guys are just too hard to figure out and not even worth my time, right?

Blah.


Anyway. I've been to Phoenix, Reno and Charlotte and I'm feeling worn on.


I am really sad because I had to leave my puppy, Crispin, at home with mom because I'm flying so often. I feel really lonely and achey and blah blah blah.

Not much to talk about. Just feeling stupid.

Arizona and Nevada

Well, well, this post is being written at a Marriott in Phoenix, Arizona. Today is my second full day here. And, of course, I have a story to tell. So... right now I have a dog to tote around, a boot on my left foot, and well my general clumsiness going for me at the moment. So somewhere between the Charlotte airport and Phoenix, I lost my license... yes, people... my driver's license, needed not only to get BACK on a plane, but to rent a car (which is an absolute MUST is a SALES position) as well.

So, I get to the rental car counter at what feels like 11:30 pm and is really only 8:30 in Phoenix and realize that I can't find my license. I, of course, am exhausted so I start bawling. And, of course, the guy does not know what to do with me at ALL so he has me call the airline in an attempt to help me. They are no help at all. So I call the hotel to get the shuttle to pick me up at the rental car place. Oh no, but noone but the rental car shuttles can get onto the rental car property (stupid, stupid, stupid) so I have to take a shuttle BACK to the airport, call the hotel again and have the hotel shuttle meet me at the right gate. That takes another 20 minutes so by the time I am standing at the front desk it feels like 1 am. So I'm checking in and the woman goes, "Oh, you have a dog?" Uhm, yes, the person making the reservation for me was aware of that fact as well. "Well, we never allow pets. Never," she says. Pause. "But, I guess you can just pretend like I didn not see him." Okay.

So I check in and go straight to bed with a wake up call set for 6 am. I get up at 6 am and start making phone calls. My first appointment is in Mesa (5 miles away) at 10 am. I get a ride with a taxi service set up for that, then I find out that the area manager lives in Phoenix and is on vacation and that his car is sitting in the driveway. (Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways, by the way?) So I change my taxi ride to his house, which ends up costing $100. So now I have a car.

On the way to get the car the Maryland MVA (MotorVehicle Association) calls me because they received my fax requesting a temporary license as soon as possible. They agree to overnight it using the company's fedex account number and my mom is also overnighting me my passport so that I can reboard a plane.

So, now I have a car, my license is here as of today and I have serviced 5 of the 7 schools in this area. I leave on Sunday for Reno, NV where I will service 6 more schools and then I fly back to Charlotte on Thursday where I will pick up my car and drive home and then I have to drive to Kansas City by Sunday night because I will be based out of there from now on. But I only have a reservation for 6 days. So what do I pack? Where will I keep my car?

I have no idea, but I'm ready. I'm excited.

I love this.


Oh and Phoenix is my favorite city thus far. It's unbelievable here. The scenery is just mind blowing. It's so completely different from the east that I can't help but be blown away. Love it here. Could absolutely live here. Who wants seasons? I'd rather have the same temp all year. Love it. Love it. Love it.

New Dog

So as I was laying in the hotel room night after night alone for 2 and a half weeks, it occurred to me that I should get a companion. A companion would make life not to boring, it would help with my loneliness, etc, etc. So I started researching (I went to a holistic pet store and asked the owner) toy dogs that I could travel with. I decided kinda on a poodle and started researching toys, how much it would cost to buy a puppy, what the grooming requirements were, potential health problems, etc, etc etc. Then I looked at the Central Carolina Poodle Club's rescue page. There was a two year old, boy poodle named Peanut. (I hate that name.) So anyway, I filled out the application, sent numerous e-mails back and forth to the woman who was fostering him. I used Megan and Mark for references (and they said great things) and I made an appointment to meet him on Saturday (yesterday). So they showed up around 2:30 and I was instantly in love.

Caroline (the foster mom) had put bows in his hair (those came off as soon as they left) put he'd just been groomed and he looked so cute. Anyway, he's a sweetheart and he loves me. He follows me everywhere. We took a nap together today cause we were up early to let him out. Anyway. So that's an update on my life. I'm still in North Carolina and I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be here, but that's okay.

I'm sane and happy and a pet owner!! Yay!

By the way, his name is Crispin now. It means one with curly hair. teehee.

Full Day 2

Hi everyone! I'm in Charlotte, NC helping out Carolyn Henderson whose daughter is ill. I drove down here on Wednesday and have been staying at the Extended Stay America in Pineville for the last two nights. I've had five appointments with five different schools and I've loved every second of it.

Except being alone. I didn't appreciate how lonely I would feel when I'm home alone on a Friday with nothing to do. I would go out, but I have no idea where to go, and I don't know if I'm okay with going out to a bar alone yet. Anyway, so I'm watching The Animal on Fox which isn't all that fun, but I guess I'll go do that now.

If any of you are reading this and feel bad for me, feel free to call and keep me company with a few minute phone call.

Wish me luck getting used to this.

3 am

well... here i am again... it's 3 am and no one wants to talk to me. am i that bad of a person that noone is interested in the insightful things I have to say right now?

i had a conversation with a boy named stacey tonight... about politics, religion... and that's pretty much it. he's saving himself for marraige... which is sort of crazy in this day and age but more power to him.

i sometimes wonder what my life would be like if i had saved myself for marraige. this is what i want to talk about with someone, but someone (i know you're reading, why didn't you pick up?) didn't want to talk to me. i'm sure because this person probably thought that my mind was clouded with alcohol, but i really feel like i'm in a particular kind of mood that i want to talk about my faith and my religion with someone. but because noone wants to talk to me... here i am.

God has a direction for all of us. i believe that. i also believe, however, that he gives us choices along the way... is that person someone i need in my life? is this the right job for me? should i take this road or that road? etc. you get my point. we have a plan, but we are allowed to shape that plan every once in a while.

so anyway, this guy, stacey, (yes he has a girl's name) was thrown in my lap and he was wearing a shirt that said, "jesus cleared the temple." this guy wore that shirt out to a bar, where he was celebrating his friend's bachelor party.

so we got to talking about some pretty deep shit about religion and how he is christian but didn't really consider himself under any religious demonination beyond that (does that sound like anyone else i know?) and we got to talking about all that religion stuff... which eventually lead to politics (as religion usually does) and then he told me about this girl that he's been waiting on for 3 years.

and i started bawling... like downright heaving tears while i was in the bar. and it had nothing to do with this guy, who was attractive but completely not my type... but more to do with why God would bring such a person into my life - a person that i could connect with on a deeper level - for such a short perios of time?

i truly felt like i could learn a lot from this individual but he made it clear that he was not interested in any contact after tonight. this made me sad because i really felt like he could help me grow in my faith, in my beliefs, and in my actions that should mirror (or at least try to ) those actions and beliefs of Christ. so i got upset that he wasn't as touched by our conversation to continue it in a different atmosphere.

i dunno. it hard to explain.

i guess what it comes down to are there are so few people in my life that i feel comfortable talking about my faith with that it hurt that a perfect stranger (go figure) wouldn't latch onto such a conversation the way i do.

what does that say about me? that i don't surround myself with peopl that a meaningful enough to share that with? or i'm looking in the wrong places (frigging armadillo's) for those people?

am i a bad person? am i too much of a sinner to make it into heaven after His judgement? am i just pretending that i have faith? am i just pretending like i don't?

how can i , as sure of myself as i ever have been, still have so many questions? how can i still feel like there is part of me missing? should i pay more attention to the side of me that is faithful? would that part of me lead me to a greater understanding of who i am and what i want it life?


i guess i'll close with, "God, give me stength to find you. God, give me strength to follow in your footsteps left by our Lord God Jesus Christ. And most of all, give me, please Lord God, the stength to trust in you no matter what hardships may befall me. Help me trust in your holy ways and help me make myself a better person."

xo

lost for now

Well it's been a week or so since I wrote last. And that's mostly because I'm feeling sort of lost on this road of my life. A week ago I was in Orange County, CA being offered the chance to take the territory that is open there. Now I'm at home with no idea where I'm going or for how long. They've canceled my reservation at the long term stay facility in Kansas City, told me not to drive my car out there and to sit tight and wait for instruction until early next week.

So here I am in Annapolis, MD (or close enough) awaiting direction and losing my way more and more everyday.

I've been out at the bar every night since Monday. That would be five nights out until at least 2 am, usually closer to 3-3:30. It's been really fun, truly, but I'm ready to get down to work. I'm ready to be serious about my life.

The last couple of weeks at home have been a whirlwind. I've been going going going without a break. I get out of the house everyday, I go out every night. But I have no structure.

I'm a person who is spontaneous but it a structured way. If I have a schedule, I feel more comfortable being spontaneous, but if I have no schedule I start feeling lost and spontaneity starts being draining.

Well that's it for now.

A Good Night

So last night was my first night out at a bar while SINGLE in like a year. It's was awesome. It was so much fun to see my girls Megan and Elise, to go to a bar I really feel at home (woot, Armadillo's), to feel comfortable with the people who work there (I love those guys and gals).

I had so much fun just shooting the shit with good friends and not having to worry about when I might get an angry phone call or when I'm going to have to worry about calling someone who's already angry that I was out drinking and dealing with that crap. It was nice not to have to worry about being myself.

I want to be with someone who trusts me, someone who appreciates me for all of my faults as well as my strengths.

But most of all, people. I don't want to be with anyone at all right now.

My life is in turmoil. I'm not going to have a home for up to a year. I'm going to be traveling so much that I won't have time and no matter what, I will have a long distance relationship. And I am SO over long distance.

For those of you that have ever done the long distance thing you know what I'm talking about. You try to call eachother as often as possible but sometimes that's just not enough. You're constantly worrying about when you're going to see eachother next. And with a schedule like mine that is so up in the air, it would be impossible to make concrete plans.

Lesson for today: singledom it is for me until I settle down.

xo

The Difficulty

i woke up really early today and my kitty kept me awake all night wanting to snuggle, but that's okay, at least i slept in my bed, in my room. i missed Maryland. i do like it here. plus my family is here.

i have boxed and boxes of stuff to go through from walsworth but all i really want to do is actually have a weekend when i don't do anything. i just want to hang out, go shopping, enjoy having some time off. is that wrong to want? i also have proofs to edit and send back to plant as well as a yearbook to finish before the end of august.

but i think today is a day off. a day of reflection. i'll probably write a few more posts today.

by the way... it was sooo nice to get a ful night's sleep with no hour long interruptions for a phone call. it was wonderful. but that doesn't mean i might be regretting burning that ship a little bit. i'll get through it. my strength has just exploded and i will not be brought down by temptation. i will not rebuild that ship.

full speed ahead in this new land.

xo

Last Day with the family

So I'm at the airport, on my way "home" to Baltimore (BWI). And I'm already missing my family. I really am. Jaclyn, Coach, Kevin, Michelle, Chad, Robin, Jeff, Jen, Mikey, and Mindi... I really, really appreciate going through this process with all of them. I will miss each of them.

Anyway, big news, I'm FINALLY d0ne with Paul. I broke up with him and we're done. I love him. I do, I will always love him, but he hasn't made me happy in a while. He doesn't make me UNhappy, I'm just not happy being with him. After everything, I just got to the point when I couldn't forgive him anymore. He'd hurt me for too long. He'd put Amber before me for our entire relationship. Only until April when he finally realized that we should be together did he really start pushing her away - not sleeping with her, not taking her everywhere, not doing much of anything, but it was too late... he waited too long.

But we're done, I burned that bridge, and now I'm ready to take on this job, I'm ready to travel until I'm dead if I can prove to this company that I can do it. If I can do this forever, I'd love it. I love to travel and for now, if I could do this, I would do it forever. If it can advance me, I'll do it forever, whatever it takes.

More later.

xo

Day four of Sales Training

YAY! I impressed the National Sales Manager!! Best thing that could ever happen to me. I was so nervous going in. Here's the story.

The first day (Monday) I was practicing with George who was our trainer during the first week and he's really sweet and soft on all of us but I was with Nicole (Austin) and Chad (San Diego) and we were all giving eachother shit.

First we have to get past the "gatekeeper" who is basically the person sitting in the front office - be it an old secretary or a student aide - by introducing ourselves and blah blah blah. We have to leave at least with an appointment. Then we have to get the prospect to listen to us and we have a script for that to that I know pretty well. Then we do a Needs Analysis, a Presentation and finally discuss price. At least that's what we do in a perfect world.

Anyway, on Monday we were practicing getting past the secretary and trying to get an adviser go through the process with us and listen to what we have to say. Practicing with classmates can be difficult and trying but humorous because we all just give each other shit. We make it hard. So Monday was fun. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday I was paired up with Tom Ott who is this 57 year old man that competes in the senior olympics. He has a 25 year old daughter but he has the mentality of a 22 year old guy. He's hysterical but he absolutely knows what he's doing.

This time I was paired with Jeff (Norfolk, VA; military books) who is this really funny guy but he's shy and reserved when you first meet him. We were trying to break him out of his shell. He's the complete opposite of me. It's very cool to work with him because we kind have a funny friendship because we know how different we are but it ends up working.

Anyway, we breezed through the IAs and the first couple of steps of the Needs Analysis. Tom gave us insightful critiques and also gave us a lot of insight from what he's seen in the field. He was easy and fun to work with and I really enjoyed those two days.

So today before we went into our rooms I looked at Bob who has this naturally mischevious smile... a lot like Jack Nicholson... and I Tom was standing right next to me and I said, "I want to stay with Tom, he's good." Bob just smiled wider and pulled Jim Worthington (the National Sales Manager) out of the room to "discuss" I'm sure. When they walked back in Bob pointed to me and said, "You're with Jim."

I was immediately nervous and knew that they were testing me and that Bob wanted Jim to see first-hand how I was doing. Anyway, we got into the room and we watched some of my tape and then went through one of the processes in the Needs Analysis that he felt I needed work on. There were a few times, though, that he said, "Perfect. That was perfect." And this is a man of VERY little words.

It was exhillarating to practice with him. I knew I had to learn what I'd done wrong and fix it quickly. I need to stop overcommiting myself, I need to ask more questions and stop talking, I need to savor the silence.

Anyway... break's over.

xo

life in the fast lane

as many of you know, i've been going, going, going for the last six weeks. i haven't stopped and it doesn't look like there's going to be any stopping for another little while at least. six weeks ago or so i started at walsworth yearbook publishing. the first two weeks were an intense week of training. the first week was all price book (where our prices come from) training.

this book is a huge book of rules upon rules of charges and credits and information on programs and shit. it's easy-ish to navigate and find what i'm looking for but at points its line upon line, paragraph after paragraph of information... all of which i need to know stone cold. it's a lot but it's manageable i think.

anyway, the first week i kicked ass. i pissed a lot of the people in my group on the first day. they thought i was a know-it-all (which i am) but i also sort of answered all the questions and got all the money and was basically just being a big pain in the ass. kevin and i, especially, butted heads. we sat across from eachother and kevin wants to be the star of the class and so do i. by the end of the first day he was raising his hand even if he didn't know the answer to the question just to try to show me up.

he has since admitted to me that he wanted to strangle me. i started to make his life easier, however, when we worked together on homework and studying. basically once i started supporting the group rather than making them feel inferior, they ended up warming up to me. i like to help people, really, so it worked out.

by the middle of the week we all started to have a lot of fun and someone decided it would be a great idea to stay out the latest on the day before we had to be up at 5 am to drive three hours to the plant in north-central missouri. it was a lovely day.

the second week was a review for me. we went over how indesign works, how our enhancements work, etc. the only thing new to me was the online design training, which was of course toward the end of the week when all of us were suffering.

training is intense. there is so much to learn, so much to remember, and so much more than just training going on. especially for our class (all 12 of us) there are 11 new personalities to learn and figure out and get to know and support. it's all very overwhelming, tiring and scary. but we made it through, all 12 of us stayed both weeks.

next came the summer sales meeting at which we were all just as wild and crazy. the only thing was we added 100 or so people to our numbers. all of the sales reps were there, all of the management, everyone! and monday night was the awards banquet and the theme was full throttle. everyone was dressed in biker garb. i decided, however to wear a white marilyn monroe halter dress from j. crew with the temporary tattoo they gave all of us on my left shoulder blade.

it was a great night but the exhaustion set in the next day and recovery was impossible. the days were full of our new computer system, inks, training... a whole lot of staring at our computer screens trying to figure out a whole new system to the company.

anyway... now it's the third day of sales training and i've been kicking ass this week too. i was really stressed that i may not do as well this week because i have no sales experience at all. but i have done better than i thought at memorization and, thus, have been succeeding more than i thought i would.

so that's the update on why i haven't been returning any phone calls or really calling anyone at all.

i hope you will become a regular reader. i hope i become a regular blogger.

xo

Day Three of Sales Training

This is my first true blog. Not sure how many people will be reading it, but I'm here posting. More later... I've been busy reading another blog.

xo