migraine induced rantings

So I've got my first migraine since moving to Arizona. And it sucks. I've tried sleeping, that didn't help. Tried eating, that didn't help. So I took excedrin. We'll find out in a little while if that helps. Until then I'll turn the brightness of my screen down as low as it will go and talk to ya'll.

Here are some issues I'm having. I'm in love with someone who accepts me completely for who I am. He allows me to be whoever I want whenever I want. Makes me feel completely comfortable and at home in my own skin - even when he's "too tired" to want me.He's oddly charming, incredibly attractive and just generally awesome. So what's the problem? He's emotionally distant. To the point of pain for me. And I get why, I do. Especially after talking to Dave today, I get it. But it still sucks. So now what?

Well, here's my second issue: Problems with dating other people while you're still sleeping with your ex. 1) You have to lie to both of them. How're you gonna tell someone, "hey I'm having a really great time, but I've gotta go cause I'm meeting up with my ex later and we'll probably have sex by the end of the night"? Or, "I can't hang out tonight cause I'm already with my ex"? Or "Exes? Well my most recent one is actually still in my life, we hang out a lot - every weekend - and we're actually still intimate"? They don't go over well, I'm sure. And then what do you say to your ex? "Hey I really love hanging out with you, but I just want you to know, I've got plans on Friday night to go out with someone else, can I come over after?" or "Hey, the sex is great and all, but to be honest, I went out with someone else last night when I told you I was going to sleep."

All around, it just sucks. So what do you do? Insist that if you're going to sleep together you better damn well be monogamous? What if they say, "Fine, then we're not sleeping together anymore"? Then you can't sleep with who you want and you're left wondering what is wrong with you physically that wouldn't motivate them to ONLY want to sleep with you. Which translates into you thinking no one would want you, which only means that whoever you went out with and lied to probably wouldn't ever want you anyway, so why bother?

*sigh* it's quite the conundrum. Anybody got tips on how to make the one you want want you back? Can't be done? I didn't think so. So now what do I do? I'm too goddamn stupid or stubborn or selfish to let him go. Or maybe all fucking THREE!!

Ok - need to stop looking at screen. Making migraine worse. Crying wouldn't help at all. Thanks for reading. Sorry if it's a downer... my bad.